Guess I'm a Liberal Too. Are You?

Philadelphia writer Michael Tremoglie, who runs the newly-launched Tremoglie’s Tea Time blog, makes a startling revelation:

Who Woulda Thunkit? I’m Really a Liberal

I just realized I am a liberal.

This revelation came to me after reviewing the issues a certain liberal candidate for office outlined. On every issue she listed I found I was in concurrence.

I think you too will come to the same conclusion. Here is the list of the issues:

Pro-choice?

You bet! I completely concur. I think people should have the choice to send their kids to parochial or private schools just like many public school teachers, Democratic Party politicians, feminists, and New York Times’ journalists do. [I agree. I’m also pro-choice with regard to whether I can defend myself with a firearm and pro-choice about what doctors I can choose.]

Anti-death penalty?

Absolutely! Once again total concord. I don't think a baby in its ninth month should be executed.

Civil unions?

Sure thing! I think all unions should be civil. There would probably be less divorces if they were. Besides less divorces means less welfare programs.

Gun control?

Indubitably! I know one definitely needs to control the gun when shooting an intruder.

Redefine families?

You got it, dude. The only time northeastern liberal newspapers use the word family is to describe the mob.

Eliminating prayer in schools?

Forgettabout it. If kids studied like they should they wouldn't have to pray before exams. [Also, schools should be reprimanded if they coerce their students to figuratively pray to Gaia by indoctrinating them with man-made global warming climate change drivel]

Separation of church and state?

Absolutely!!! As it is right now, religious institutions – especially parochial and other religious schools - are subsidizing public school districts across the country. If all those students in religious schools were sent to public school, every school district in the United States would have to triple their taxes to pay for the influx. Parents of students who go to private religious and parochial schools are subsidizing school districts and therefore are paying an indirect tax. This is unconstitutional!

Freedom of dissent?

Right on! Conservative students and faculty should be allowed to express their beliefs.

Affirmative action?

No doubt about it. The ACLU, NOW, and the Sierra Club should hire black executive directors immediately. The ABC, NBC, MSNBC, CNBC news anchors, as well as the Managing Editors of the New York Times, Washington Post and Vanity Fair should be replaced by blacks, Asians, Hispanics, and women.

No limits for lawsuits?

You know it. I think lawyers should be sued every time they file one of those frivolous lawsuits.

Rehabilitation for criminals?

Unquestionably! I think judges who place dangerous criminals on probation should be sent to a prison facility to be rehabilitated.

Equal Rights for Women?

Undeniably, women should have to prove that they should be awarded custody of kids in divorce cases just like men do.

More social programs?

Certainly! The greatest social program a nation can provide for its citizens is to keep them safe and free.

It is amazing that all this time I was a liberal and did not know it. Realizing what we have in common, I want to invite my fellow liberals to join me and work together to make this country truly a place where everyone can thrive and be free.

To this great list I’d like to add:

Fairness Doctrine? 

Absolutely! Newsrooms and commentary shows on ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN are hosted by way too many Democrat-voting leftists (according to available statistics). We need FCC-imposed hirings of conservative commentators now! And if a Democrat president is going to usurp an entire network channel to sell the American people on a program, that channel better damn well provide the same airtime to the exact second of the Republican opposition.

Fairer tax system?

You bet your stimulus-package-sized bippy! The tax system is rigged too unfairly to favor the poor. Currently the top 1% pay 39% of the tax burden, but earn only 19% of the income. This is not fair. The top 50% of Americans pay 97%, leaving only 3% for the remaining 50%! John Edwards was right about there being two Americas: the Taxed and the Taxed-Nots. Make everybody pay taxes! Stop rigging the system to favor the poor!

Fairness in elections?

Exactly. Stop election fraud! Demand photo IDs for every eligible American citizen. That is the only fair and effective way to determine legitimacy. Get dead people and (in states where applicable) felons immediately off the registration rolls. Repeal same-day registration. And get ACORN the hell out of the election racket. Stop voter intimidation: Reinstate charges against the Black Panthers who were videotaped blocking a polling place in Philadelphia. End voter disenfranchisement: Make sure our troops overseas get their votes counted, even if, by no fault of their own, their ballots arrive State-side late.

Comments

[LoudLion]

Wow, will my parents, friends and certain Sisters-in-law be happy to know I AM A LIBERAL. Where do I hang my picture of the Anointed One?